Day 6: My 60 Day Challenge!

So I decided to go on this fitness and healthy journey 6 days ago and the only thing I've managed to do thus far is to eat according to the guidelines I've set for myself. Yesterday I gave myself a yummy treat: fried steak! With the fatty part skillfully spiced and crisp-yum! Today I'm pretty much chugging down litres of water as a consequence.

The day after I announced that I'm embarking on this 60-day challenge I worked myself to a stand-still! I googled some cardio work-outs and was a zombie an hour later! I haven't worked out since because I know tI have teabo today at 17h30 and I realised that I need a gym-buddy. I need someone who will motivate me and someone I can motivate as well. I have three people in mind that I need to communicate with, namely: Nyiko Mgiba who is studying at the University of Johannesburg, his younger brother Ntsako who is going to study at the University of Cape Town and Thandiwe Mqokeli, a trainee performer at the Steve Biko Center in Ginsberg. Thandiwe is also an instructor at our Tuesday and Thursday amateur contemporary dance classes. Nyiko inspires me cause he constantly updates his bbm friends (which I am one of) on his exercise regime and his progress. His younger brother Ntsako challenges him and little Ntsaks has a six-pack, so best believe I want that backing on this challenge, Thandiwe is a passionate performer who is well on her way to getting a rock-hard body like world-renowned South African Dancer Mamela Nyamza. Mamela is FIRE and her physic is a BLAZING INFERNO! I need to go ICU every time my eyes catch sight of her body. Fat fears her body, hence it buuurrrnnssss :-)

I am really excited about this challenge but I need to work on the fitness element of this challenge, I currently follow blogs which inspire me to work harder, "Fitness Barbie" and "Attempting Skinny" are Tumblr blogs worth checking out! "Fitness Barbie" has a cardio work-out which consists of sprinting- I would love to try that out! I have a knee issue but I can't let it paralyse me from having the body I want and leading an active lifestyle. My faith needs to grow for it to be completely healed. I hate running but I would rather perfect my running abilities before I'm put in a situation where I have to run (I don't want to look like an awkward non-runner). The thing is, I usually leave the house at 07h15 and this would mean that I will have to wake up at like 05h15 so I can be on the road by 05h30! Aaaaaah *inserts whaling emoticon*. I have to but still *cries some more*. I have to!

So leading a healthier lifestyle will also help me be conscious of my sleeping habits, so no late night t.v viewing for me, a book then catch some Zzzzzzz's. I guess I will be experiencing health to its fullest. All of these changes are a bit overwhelming as I think about them, so rather let me allow each facet of this lifestyle change take place as I live. I guess.

I still owe you folks a pic, I need to get to the nearest pharmacy to weigh myself first. Today I'm nervous and overwhelmed.

-Mathabo Tlali

2010

Mamela Nyamaza

"Hatched" 

Image: artlink.co.za

2010

Mamela Nyamza

"Hatched" 

Image: artlink.co.za 

2012

Mamela Nyamza

"Shift" 

Image: iol.co.za

Nyiko Mgiba

Image: Facebook

Ntsako Mgiba

Image: Facebook

 

Healthy body: My 60 Day Challenge!

I'm super nervous but excited at the same time, my very private dream is going to materialise tonight, I'm going to start putting pen to paper and account for all of my weight gain, weight loss, lifestyle changes etc. I'm going to do it on my blog!

I've had this silent dream for a while now and proud to say that I have forgiven and forgotten all of my past mistakes and negligence pertaining to my weight, I'm happy and excited! Yesterday I started going to amateur contemporary dance classes, I walk for at least 1h15min to work 4 times a week, I've changed my diet and I'm starting teabo  next week :) I'm excited (I can't stop repeating this word).

In the past I have always had an immature and impatient approach to weight-loss (basically if I do not see result in three days-I'm out!), after reading numerous articles on weight-loss and following health and fitness blogs I have decided to try out a 60 Day Challenge. I don't know how much I weigh (bleh) but I do know that I wear a size 36 & 38 (I think that's sizes 12 & 14), my tummy and thighs are my personal areas of concern but now I realise that I should be more concerned about whats happening inside my body because that determines my outlook on life. Today is the 22nd of January so on the 22 of March (oh heck, I didn't realise that's my birthday), I would like to be a regular size 34 (I do realise how ambiguous this is, I need to get a scale, nervous!).

I am keen to smile (more than I do now) when I look in the mirror, I do not want my weight to determine what style I wear or how confident I am (which it is at the moment). I want to focus on the long term benefits of weight-loss ie being fit enough to play with my children, not being susceptible to opportunistic diseases which come with access fat, running around, swimming and playing on the beach confidently (I am a beach-baby, the ocean is my home), having a great love-life with my mayns (hey-hey-hey!) and being able to experience and enjoy the outdoors fully and not tire when I have to walk long-distances. I'm a bean! I'm keen!

The only issue I have had with weight-loss is that I tend to picture myself having Beyonce and Kim Kardashian's bodies (those ladies are the sexiest and most comfortable in their curves I believe) and that often cause me to imagine my body a sex-symbol (which I'm HIGHLY against!). My body is not for sexual consumption! I am beautiful, sexy and attractive (among other things), these three qualities are part of EVERY individual. I believe that the outlook you have on yourself determines whether those qualities radiate or diminish, I want them to radiate, not for man's (sic) pleasure but because being confident is part of the human experience which God designed. Coming across as a sexy or attractive person are by-products of being confident in who you are (in what God has deposited in you) because you have come to love and appreciate yourself. Mna, I'm keen.

With my mind being renewed to understanding the function of my body, I will feel less pressure to conform to what being "healthy" is deemed to be, I will not compete with others nor impose this God-directed journey onto anyone. I do not want to be a slave to the scale or dress size, I want to be focused and enjoy the ride. Fit, healthy, radiant and focused :-). I used to say that I wanted a Jamaican or Brazilian body (I know how problematic my labeling is here) but now I want Mathabo's Healthy Body, the body which is going to move in unimaginable ways on stage, the body which will be seen and appreciated by my children and husband, this body will house an equally fit and healthy mind and spirit where God will radiate in His glory. I am His, He is beautiful therefore everything about my life (via the help of the spirit) needs to capture/encompass everything which He has revealed Himself to be in my life. A body radiating God's goodness, aaahhh :-)

Keen to share my diet and lifestyle plans with you and feel free to share your tips with me too :-) I will try be as open as possible with pictures and all (eek!), I'm keen though. I want to see and experience this change for myself, it's about time I actively take care of myself holistically.

So thus far my diet will comprise of:
*All fruits and vegetables
*All meats (aint nobody telling me to quit eating meat!)
*Dried fruit and raisins (anyone who knows me knows that raisins are my thang!)
*Almond and cashews nuts (Yuck!)
*Green tea (YAY!)
*Greek and plain yogurt (Greek being first preference)
*Pop corn
*Eggs
*Skim Milk
*Water
NB: Watching my portions is also a key factor here.

Arch-enemy:
*Processed starch esp. bread, dumpling, mielie-meal pap. (Lord help me)
*Processed beverages ie fizzy drinks and fruit juice
*Sweets and chips :( (Farewell lovers)

I'll add more stuff if I've forgotten them now. My skin is so keen to soak and illuminate all the goodness which comes from the above yumminess. I want to lead a healthy lifestyle, one which will inspire my children to eat healthily and not experience the hardships I experienced with weight and health.

After the 22 of March we'll see what happens.

I'm keen lovies, in 3, 2, 1 go!

Mathabo Tlali

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2014

Photographer: Ben Benjilali

@bentherules (Instagram)

2013

"Clothe Her by Charlie Rose Season 3" (My online street/urban and vintage clothing line, check it out :) )

Grahamstown

South Africa

Photographer: Neo Baepi

Tumblr: neobaepi.tumblr.com

"Cash In" by Solange

My inspiration

Solange Knowles

Picture taken from: mydamnblog.tumblr.com

1]
We don't need a love affair
Listen to the sounds of this up here
We don't need to lay in bed
Waking up from place to place
We don't need to pay our rent
Listen to the sounds of this right here
We don't gotta pave our way
We can live from place to place

C'mon love let's get away
Listen to the sounds of this up here
Take your money to the bank
Tell em we gonna throw it all away
Candy coated painted moods
Listen to the sound of it in you


We don't need a love affair
Listen to the sounds of this up here
We don't need to lay in bed
Sleep all day we'll sleep when dead
We don't need to wait on them
Listen to the sounds of this right here
We don't need to pave our way
Take this love on face to face


Take your money to the bank
Tell em we gonna throw it all away
Freedom brings a paper chase
Tell em we got soul and we gonna stay
Righteous fallen people pray
But we got something real
That you're going to hate

Make a test and change your name
Nobody has the power but you and me
Baby you run for you and you run for me
We gonna tell em what it is
Yeah we don't care
Gotta live our lives and don't look back
Best believe I believe in love
Yeah I got the faith
Just to be the lights of the days
Play it out from place to place and get away

2013

My mates

Fezokuhle Mthonti and Amanda Xulu

Grahamstown

South Africa

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

2014

Ginsberg (King William's Town)

Steve Biko Memorial Garden

South Africa

Photographer: Mila

2014

Ginsberg (King William's Town) 

Steve Biko Museum

South Africa 

Photographer: Mila

2012

East London

South Africa

'Lovers In The Parking Lot" by Solange Knowles

My inspiration

Solange Knowles

Image taken from: mydamnblog.tumblr.com

Left your heart behind when I laid eyes and said I'm up and done

The young just live and don't look back or wait for anyone

And maybe you loved me but I just up and wanted to run

Back and forth behind and down when you were in and I was out

Me chasing lovers in the front line of the parking lot

And baby I loved you but I was not done having my fun

Played around with your heart, now I'm laying around in the dark, wuhu

Played around with your heart, now I'm paying when we're apart, yeah

Played around with your heart, guess I played myself from the start

Played around with your heart

Where oh where's the man that landed in my hands when I say fall

I pushed you head over my heels until I pushed you far

And maybe I need you but you just don't want nothing at all

Back and forth, behind and down, when you were in, and I was out

We chasing lovers in the front part of the parking lot

And baby I'd tell you but you won't give the number to call

I played around with your heart, now I'm playing around in the dark, wuhu

Played around with your heart, now I'm paying when we're apart, yeah

Played around with your heart, guessed I played myself from the start

Played around with your heart, and I want you back

You back, you back, you back

I've been playing around with your heart too long, woho

And I now I played around and got caught

And now I play myself in the dark

Oh baby I've played around with your heart,

And now I'm playing around in the dark, wuhu

Played around with your heart, now I'm paying when we're away apart, yeah

Played around with your heart, guessed I played myself from the start

Played around with your heart.

My inspiration

Solange Knowles

Image taken from: www.huffingtonpost.com

My inspiration

Solange Knowles

Image taken from: mydamnblog.tumblr.com

My inspiration

Solange Knowles

Image taken from: mydamnblog.tumblr.com

"Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" by Ondela Wanda Zweni

Indixhwitha indixhole indixhaxha

indikruna indipetya okungathi ndingubhontsi

indixananazisa andisakwazi nokuxoka

andixhelanga xhukwane

esi isikhohlela andikwazi nokusibika kubani...

Ndisiginya ndodwa gaga-gaga  gaga-gaga

sisihla ngomqala apho siyakhona siyokuthunuka intliziyo sibethe ihlaba endingakwazi nokulichaza

pilisi ntoni asilochiza..

bandithwetyule ngokundinyemba bendinyenyisa,

ewe banditicele besithi ndiyeyengxwangxwa inja ndisisizalo somhadi/

batshilo batshilo besithi kakade ndingumgqakhwe bekufanele

ndifanele ubalilo ilolo elinempondo kodwa lingenanjongo

ndingubanina kakade mna kodwa ndithi “umhle kangaka na wakhe warhuba”

Ndiziphulaphule ndiphuma ezegazi

ndithwetyulwa zinkumbulo

noko esi isihlophoyiya siyandisinda

ndikrazuka ndigrogola ndigodola kungekhobani

ilizwi lirhwexa kukukhwaza okosana embelekweni, Yho! Yho! Yho!

ndirhaxwa ndigwintwa uqhoqhoqho

esosikhalo akukho iginyis 'amathe,

bendithi ndiyafula ndigawula kanti igaba lichana emnweni

Kuthula kuzola ufumanekaphi na ndingene ndizinqengqe ndizigquma kula mabakala eli magada hlabayo....

Kuhleka okuyinene, lonwabo olunoxolo ndingakuthathaphi na ndikuxhwile ungene uhlale uhluma

hleze kuthi kanti singamaphuth'ahlathilinye....

Kodwa andizozixhwith'intamo ndizicikide ndizingcatshe ndizigwinte ndizigece

hayi ndiyapheza ukuzigeca ndizindlakazelisa ngengcinga

ewe ndiyayiqonda okokuba iyandikurhaxa le rhasi urhona akuyeki

isezakuphuphumala neyam ibhekile ndiwelwe ngumqa esandleni

kusezakubayinyambalala

ndithi gcobho ebhotolweni ndihlinze amanqatha

noxa ngoku ndiphantsi kwamanqwanqwa

Ubuchule kukuncekelela

ndigidele noba yincidi sekukufuphi ndityibilike kwisibindi

NdizakuHlala ndimi hleze kuthi kanti amaflityo-flityo akude kufuphi namaqabaza emvula sele qala ukuchaphaza..

(Ondela Zweni wrote this piece for the play "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba?", the title of the play was taken from this piece). 

Kwa Ntliziyo Ndise (To place where I'm lead by my heart/ Take me to where my heart leads)

Image taken from: "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba?" (2012)

From left: Kamogela Molobye, Mathabo Tlali, Fezokuhle Mthonti, Ondela Zweni and Noxolo Mafu

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

                  

This blog was originally started to promote a devised piece my good friend Fezokuhle Mthonti (Fez) and myself directed called "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba (Your beauty is so apparent and rich its as though you have never undergone suffering of any kind)?", hence the url "Artistic Scores". "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba?" is a rhetorical question highlighting the beauty in question. Fez and I had no idea what we wanted the blog to be called, through this theatrical exploration we wanted to explore the notion of hybridity, identity and the tensions which come with a number of languages and cultures having to negotiate their own space in an already tight area. Those were the nuances of the piece.
The phrase,"Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba?", the title of the play was taken from a powerful poem written by my good friend Ondela "Ondy" Zweni who wrote it for the play.

"Kwa Ntliziyo Ndise was a recommendation I made, not for any profound reason but it was a term which encompasses the fluidity of life, so even if we could not find a phrase which directly spoke to the title of the piece it at least spoke to the nature of the piece. Kwa ntliziyo ndise. We wanted the audience to travel guided by their hearts as they engaged with the themes transported through imagery, music, words, bodies and movement which we hoped would sink in their sub-conscious. We wanted them, without realising, to take an introspective and perhaps a retrospective journey through their lives.

The reigning theme throughout the process was "My pain is my crown", this I believe helps one realise that hardships are never in vain but are there to mold and refine you. I know how "preachy" this sound but I refuse to carry burdens and pain inflicted towards me by myself and others and not gain something worthwhile from that. If the natural environment is anything to go by, life itself is beautiful when things work in harmony, it is when we are out of tune that general negativity comes. From those experiences our duty is to gather what we have left and make our lives work in harmony again. It's so hard but we cannot avoid it nor can we call those experiences mistakes- we need them to grow. You are battered and bruised physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and yet in this brokenness you need to put yourself together again. Humpty-Dumpty had the assistance of all the kings horses and all the king's men but in our reality, we need to sub-merge ourselves in the pain we are feeling and confront all the brokenness and misery. Phew! What a freaking task!

I have learnt that the journey that your heart leads you in comes with many unexpected glories, riches, laughter, joy, tears, heartache, confusion, disillusion, surprise and so much more! We need to take all of these experiences in, benefits and consequences, and with our characters know how to deal with what is dished at us. Kwa ntliziyo ndise. Every time I think about this term it calms my often anxious spirit, I am able to divorce myself from my own expectations. Some of our expectations are too low, unrealistic, pessimistic and just burdensome cause you simply can't carve out a path that ensures everything goes according to plan. Kwa ntliziyo ndise, where my heart (which belongs to God) leads me. It's reassuring and instills a sense of hope which flues my heart and mind with the vigor and "chutzpah" to run towards my vision. When I think about kwa ntliziyo ndise, I feel streams of peace flowing gently down my heart, I am at peace because the curves and bends of the journey do not phase me, I know kwa ntliziyo ndise is where I'm supposed to be :-)

I'm happy, not because the circumstances around me necessarily allow for me to be but because I know that I am where God wants me to be, guided by faith and not by sight.

Mathabo Tlali

Fezokuhle Mthonti 

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield (2013)

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Ondela Zweni 

(Image taken from: "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

From top: Sandisile Dlangalala, Tristan Jacobs, Mathabo Tlali, Zano Mthembu and Kamogelo Molobye

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield 

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

                                  Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

                                        From back: Kamogelo Molobye and Tristan Jacobs

                                                     Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

                                                  Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

Noxolo Mafu

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

From left: Fezokuhle Mthonti, Ondela Zweni and Noxolo Mafu

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

From left: Noxolo Mafu, Tim Abel, Ondela Zweni, Mathabo Tlali, Kamogelo Molobye, Michelle du Plessis and Fezokuhle Mthonti 

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

From left: Mathabo Tlali and Zano Mthembu

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

Image taken from "Umhle Kangaka Khe Warhuba" (2012)

From left: Kamogelo Molobye and Michelle du Plessis (unfortunately I do not know the name of the little girl)

Photographer: Robynne Peatfield 

Tumblr: the-sun-follower.tumblr.com

         

Sally Mann

"Family"- Sally Mann

"Candy Cigarette"- Sally Mann

"Virginia At Five"- Sally Mann

Nudity and Sally Mann

Sally Mann

Robynne Peatfield (Robz), a darling of a human being who is able to capture beautiful and often intangible moments with a camera introduced me to photographer Sally Mann. Before I read up on Mann I want to first share what her work signifies to me and how it has affected me mentally and spiritually.

(Man, oh Mann! <-- I know how cheesy this sounds :-) )

As we went through her work, Robz gave me interesting facts and insight ngoMann and further sharpened my "photographer's eye" by picking up detail which a novice such as myself would not recognise. My eyes and heart were captured, I was left breathless! She is a mother of three and would use her children as subjects in many of her seminal work. She simply captured bits and pieces of their daily rhythms with a simple yet rare camera. Yho! I used the word "beautiful" appropriately for the first time in a while in relation to photography. In a world were we are inundated with pictures and colour, I looked at these black and white and some sepia-ish (hello novice) pictures and kept asking myself a series of questions and with these came an overflow of revelations, one being about nudity and how it has been forced to elude to sex annd sex alone.

In many cases I have defined sex and its purpose inaccurately, I attribute my failure to many things namely: sex being a capitalist tool to fuel consumerism (which I cannot avoid being a part of), the psychological implications which came with being molested as a child and thirdly, not having an honest and knowledgeable person sit me down to talk about sex. This then made me see the body, in its greatness, beauty and complexity as primarily an object for sex. I am utterly grateful to God for allowing me to study Drama Arts because it is through this art form and constant communication with God that I began to see the body, my body and other peoples bodies differently.

Through the lens of this art-form the scales of ignorance and narrow-mindedness began to slowly come off my eyes-the imagery is rather disgusting! I began to see the body not for what it is but what it can be. I am of the opinion that God's fullness has not been fully revealed to us, this including the full purpose and capacity of the body. The reductive nature which comes with the economic rationale of "the triple bottom line" has made us see even the most complex things in a reductive manner. Karl Polanyi calls all things natural (not man made) fictitious commodities, ngoba nyani how can one put a price on something or someone who was not conceived through the imagination of man? Nudity, because of this thinking, has been reduced to a sexual stimulus which explains why we get uncomfortable and shy when we see bare bodies even if they were not intending to "excite" the viewer. Heeee, let me tie this in with Mann...

There have been accusations leveled against Mann saying that her work is child pornography. Here is my problem, what would give a person such an idea? The obvious answer would be seeing a child nude, but what does nudity symbolise? This is an issue of subjectivity. Pornography (from my understanding) ought to be sexually stimulating, so it is not the naked body alone but what that naked body is doing, the energy of the individual who is naked, the location and the environment the body is in plays a part in making the visual more stimulating. With these factors in mind, I see no association between Mann's work and child pornography.

In my struggle with understanding what sex is and understanding what the body is, Mann provided a lot of simple answers. The body is many things and it ought to be celebrated and accepted for that. The body is strong yet fragile, it possesses a kind of divinity which we only get a glimmer of when it is bare and the most vulnerable-when we are naked. I see so much freedom displayed by her subjects in this naked state, a type of freedom which comes from within and illuminates beautifully and powerfully through the naked body. Through her pictures I get to see how nudity is not jarring but is a part of other important organisms which create art from God's gaze I believe. Our bodies, our nakedness is part of a greater nakedness, leaves aren't clothed with superficial coverings which create a false by hiding the "true self"- no! We were born nude, naked, bare and a wonder. Mann's works takes me back to the "first self", the self which was loved, appreciated, admired for what it is and not what it can be.

Mann, oh man. Your work is beautiful

Mathabo Tlali


   

 

"Family" by Sally Mann

"Family" by Sally Mann

"Family" by Sally Mann

"Virginia At Four" by Sally Mann

So this is an outlet, a platform where I train myself in writing, in thinking, in feeling, expressing and acknowledging. I am a woman who is 23, slowly approaching 24, I have many ideas concerning my life but everything is coming together slowly. I am filled with many fears and these fears challenge me to persevere-I do not consider myself a timid individual.

To you who is reading this, chances are I decided to go my blogspot tab and started word-vomiting and posting pictures at a whim, my thoughts and heart thrown onto the net. Likes, dislikes- the whole shibang! I can't ask you to enjoy what is being posted because it's not prepared for you, I consider you a voyeur who is watching each layer of clothing come off my body, I don't know how many layers of material there are and I don't know what will motivate me to undress. Andiyazi. In the world of "perfection" I don't know what the end presents, a body with sensitive and fresh wounds? Perhaps a beautifully scented matte body with unclear scars? What will we find? I don't know and I don't care, as long as I get the opportunity to take off unnecessary rags posturing as sink off my body. I want to go back to my original self, where spirituality is married to humanness and it is there where we find the beauty and mystery of living. These tensions do not phase me, they make me. 

Mathabo Tlali